Shrewdness of Apes - a new novel by Roger Frederick

1. MURDERER…

“Get up Rose, stop pissing about. I didn’t hit you that hard.”

I reached out to shake her, and that was when I saw it. Thick red blood was pouring out from the top of her head and forming a puddle in front of her face.

“Jesus Christ!” I held my hands up to my mouth, stepping away from the growing pool. “Jesus fuck, what have I done?!” I knelt down, cautiously reaching for her wrist. “Please be a pulse,” I begged as I lifted her arm and pressed my fingers to her wrist. Nothing. I waited a few seconds more but still there was nothing there.

I stood up and my legs felt like they were going to give way. A rush of blood to my head made me swoon and I grabbed the work surface for support.

“Oh my god! She’s dead, she’s dead! She’s fucking dead. Oh god, what have I done?!” I began turning one way and then the other searching for a way to fix what I’d done. But there was nothing.

I stood for a few more seconds, tears pouring down my cheeks, my breath coming in heavy rasps. My mind was racing as I tried to come up with a solution. My boyfriend’s ex was dead, and I’d killed her. I began pacing backwards and forwards, my hands gripping my head tightly. “What am I gonna do?” I asked myself again and again. “What am I gonna do?!”

I raced to the window to see if anyone was about. Had anyone had seen me there? Someone must have seen the car. What if they’d seen me barge in? How the hell would I explain it? What reason could I possible give for being there?

I looked down at her again. The pool around her head was even bigger and her hair was soaked. Already her skin was turning a sickening shade of grey. I’d never seen a dead body before. Who’d have thought the first one I ever saw would be the body of someone I’d killed?

I didn’t know what to do. Should I call an ambulance? Should I tell the police? But how would I explain my way out of it? I’d be arrested. I’d be charged with murder! I’d go to jail! In that split second I knew my only option was to run.

I was terrified – my hands were shaking so much that I couldn’t grip anything or co-ordinate them. I couldn’t get my brain to process any sort of thought patterns. I wanted to come up with a sensible plan, but it just wouldn’t happen. My heart was thumping and my head was like a washing machine on spin. I had so much adrenaline pumping through me that I thought I was going to pass out.

Without another thought, I ran for the front door, slamming through it and pelting down the drive towards the car. As I leapt inside, I checked behind me, making sure no one had seen me leave. Thankfully, it was just after 10pm, so all the local residents were tucked up for the night. I put the key in the ignition and sped off down the road towards the motorway.

“Where am I going?” I panicked, blinking back tears. “Where the fuck am I going?” I couldn’t exactly go home, so my only option was to return to Leicester. But how would I explain this to my family? Anyway, I couldn’t go there. That would be the first place the police would look. I needed to hide and work out where to go next. I needed to get as far away as possible, buy myself some time while I figured out my story. “Jesus, where can I go?!” I screamed again. Then the obvious answer sprang to mind. There was only one person who wouldn’t be phased by this, and he was the only person who was likely to be up in the three hours it would take me to get home.

Rocco would know what to do.

It was like a nightmare. I wanted to wake up and realise that the whole thing had been a bad dream, and instead of speeding down the M5 making my escape from a murder scene, I was actually tucked up in bed, Dallas style.

But no matter how many times I shook my head or pinched myself, the truth of my situation was going nowhere. I’d killed someone. I was a murderer. And the moment I got caught, I was going down for a very long time.

I burst into tears again, screaming out my terror and panic. There was just no way out of this. I’d have done anything to turn back the clock. Hell, she could have Ed. I’d wish them all the best in their new life together. I’d walk away the loser and I’d do it with a smile on my face. But it was too late for that. The damage was done, and I had to start thinking of a way out fast.

The motorway was pretty clear due to the time, and I raced along, desperate to get to Rocco’s house where I hoped to god a solution could be found.

My whole body was tense, and my shoulders were wound into massive knots. My head was spinning, and at times I felt like I was going to pass out at the wheel. My eyes were constantly fixed on the rear view mirror, terrified that a police car was about to fly into view and start chasing me. I was convinced they would be onto me already, and I had to get off the road as soon as I could to buy some thinking time.

“I’ve gotta get out of here,” I kept telling myself, like some hypnotic mantra. “I’ve gotta get out. I’ve gotta get away.”

I looked in the rear view mirror again, expecting to see an entourage of blue lights coming up behind me. But it was eerily quiet.

“They must know by now!” I panicked.

To try and silence my thoughts, I switched on the stereo. But I forgot I’d been listening to Dr. Dre on the way and a vicious sounding woman informed me she was a ‘mother fuckin’ murderer’. My eyes shot open saucer wide and I stabbed the off button.

“Oh my god, I really am,” I whimpered, and started to sob again.

I completely switched off to reality until I saw signs for the Space Centre and knew I was almost home. It was approaching 1am and I was so tired, but I had to keep going. I had a feeling it was going to be a long night.

As I drove down the main road towards Rocco’s flat, I felt as thought my car may as well be sporting a neon sign on the roof which read ‘I’ve just killed someone.’ I felt like every reveller falling out the late bars knew exactly what I’d done, and it was only a matter of seconds before a police car swung out in front of me and I was surrounded. If I turned a corner, I expected to see a police car waiting to head me off.

I pressed my foot down harder on the accelerator, desperate to get to Rocco. I needed to share the burden – I just couldn’t handle it alone. I felt like I was about to explode.

A pissed student stepped out into the street in front of me, and I slammed on my brakes to avoid killing my second victim of the night.

“You stupid fucking twat!” I screamed. “Get out of my fucking way!”

The student smiled and waved his thanks. I slammed my hand down on the horn, screaming for him to move. I couldn’t afford hold ups like this. A split second with some twat arsing around in the middle of the road could make all the difference between whether I escaped or was caught.

I sped away again, and felt a sense of relief like nothing I’d felt before as I swung into the car park at Rocco’s flat and literally abandoned the car. Still sobbing, I ran up the stairs, praying that the police weren’t already there waiting for me. I just didn’t know what I’d do if he was out or already tucked up and didn’t answer.

Reaching the door, I hammered my fist against it with all my force. “Come on Rocco,” I pleaded. “Please be home!” My heart was thumping in my chest and my hands were shaking.

Eventually, after what seemed like hours but was actually only about 30 seconds, I heard the sound of a key turning in the door. My body sagged forward with relief, and when Rocco’s rather ruddy face appeared round the door, I could have kissed him.

His eyes lit up, and he didn’t look remotely perturbed by my state or my late and unannounced arrival. “Drive boy dog boy dirty numb angel boy!” He leaned out of the door, wafting a grissini breadstick in my direction. “Have you tried these? They’re gorgeous!”

“Rocco I’m in trouble – you gotta help me!”

He took my arm and began rocking it back and forth. “In a doorway boy she was a lipstick boy. Come on, sing!”

I pulled free of him. “I’ve killed her,” I mumbled, wide eyed with fear and panic. “I’ve killed her, I’ve killed her, I’ve killed her!”

Rocco’s brow furrowed. “Wine?” he asked, brandishing the pint of cheap red he was supping from.

“ROCCO!” I screamed. “You gotta help me!”

He opened the door wide and stared at me. Finally noticing the dishevelled hair, mascara streaked swollen face and general vibe of absolute fear surrounding me, he stepped forward. “You’ve killed who?”

“Rose, Ed’s ex-girlfriend. I’ve killed her Roc. She’s dead and I don’t know what to do.”

Rocco started to laugh uncontrollably. “Yeah right, course you have. Are you pissing about?”

I shook my head. “No I’m not. Rocco, this is not a joke.” I lowered my voice. “I’ve killed her.”

Rocco stared at me, trying to read my expression for a sign I was winding him up. “You can’t possibly have killed her. Is this just you overreacting? Because you do have a tendency to do that.”

I threw my arms up. “I’m not fucking overreacting!”

Rocco stared at me for a few seconds more “I’m still not convinced. You are rather… emotionally overcharged.”

I punched the doorframe with frustration. “I’m not making this up! I wish I was.”

But still he looked unconvinced, as if he were waiting for me to point at him and scream ‘fooled you!’ “I’m sorry to sound so doubting,” he continued. “But you tend to just have two settings – calm and ‘end of the world’. It’s the same response whether you’ve just committed a murder or someone has spilt tea on your shoes.”

I stared up at the ceiling, my eyes filling with tears. “Please Rocco,” I begged. “You have to listen to me. This isn’t a joke. She’s dead.”

Finally realising that I was serious, he instantly sobered up. “Jesus. You’re not joking are you? Are you sure?”

“Yes I’m fucking sure! Look, can we go inside?”

“Yeah, yeah, sorry man.” He stepped aside to let me past.

Once inside the flat, I began pacing round the room. I couldn’t stay away from the window for more than a few seconds without having to check below for police again.

“I can’t believe I’ve done it. I’m fucked. I’ll get life. Rocco, I have to get out of here. The coppers are bound to be onto me already. I’ve gotta get away.”

Rocco approached me with his hands outstretched. “Look, sit down and tell me exactly what happened.”

“I can’t. I haven’t got time! I have to get out of here!”

“Joey.” Rocco took me by the shoulders and led me to the sofa. “Sit down and talk to me. What have you done?”

I sat down, staring at the floor and shaking. “I went to her house, I bonked her with a pin, she’s dead.” I went to stand up again.

“Hang on!”

I stared at him. “What?!”

“Calm down, and tell me the story from start to finish.”

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